“In the end, it’s the connection that makes sex unforgettable.” —ScoopWhoop
If you’re getting ready to meet a new escort, or you’ve lined up a date with someone you’ve connected with, you may be riddled with anxiety and worries about not living up to their expectations. You may have been dreaming of spending time together for many weeks or months, so just when the dream is about to come true, why let worries and fears hold you back? As the introductory quote stated, the key to great sex is connection. So stop worrying about your performance and start working on building the inner foundation you need to be your best, most confident, most vulnerable self yet.
Cognitive Distortions Can Ruin Your Sex Life
Cognitive distortions are internal filters or biases that make us feel bad about who we are and fuel our anxiety. They include fortune-telling (“The escort won’t be into me), all-or-nothing thinking (“I never have anything interesting to say on a date,” and overgeneralization (“I’ll never be able to satisfy my date). There are many more distortions that people use far too often, interfering with their ability to reach for goals, make key changes to their lives, and establish fulfilling relationships with others. Of course, these filters can also wrest from one’s confidence in one’s sexuality, appearance, and ability to attract others. Cognitive distortions can be tackled through cognitive-behavioral therapy and one of its techniques, which is known as cognitive reframing. It involves taking a negative thought such as those written above, and replacing it with a more positive thought. For instance, you can replace the thought, “I never have anything interesting to say” with a thought like “I am sure I can discuss entertaining things on my date, like the books I read or films I enjoy.”
Taking Small Steps
If issues such as social anxiety make you avoid dates because you are scared you might say or do the wrong thing, try exposing yourself to the source of your anxiety little by little. This approach, known as exposure therapy, allows you to see that the things you may fear so deeply are actually no harm to you at all. For instance, in the days leading up to a date with your escort, you might randomly pair yourself up with someone online. The founders of online connection site instacams.com are adamant that random pairing can actually lead to insanely powerful connections that are sometimes taken off-screen. Other small steps include meeting by day instead of night, bringing friends along, or singing up for a group activity or adventure. By taking the emphasis off performance and placing it on togetherness, you can naturally create the spark that can lead to great sex.
Eliminating the Pressure of Performance
If you are in an intimate situation with someone, you may feel a pressure to be perfect, and that in itself, can make you less present when you are together. One technique you can use to counter this tendency is sensate focus, which involves five different stages: non-genital sensual touch (with a focus on pressure, texture, and temperature), intimate exploration, the use of lotions, mutual touching, and sensual intercourse. This technique, developed by Dr. William Masters and Dr. Virginia Johnson in 1970, is said to enhance intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
Enjoying the most that intimacy has to offer depends to a great extent on how well you know yourself. Reflecting once in a while to discover your own biases can help you replace harmful self-judgment with more positive, realistic views. By taking dating one step at a time and focusing on connection rather than performance, you can take the focus off insecurities and place them off the meaningful, enjoyable, sexy moment you’re enjoying with someone else.