Perhaps you have been watching Fifty Shades of Grey, or maybe you are just wondering what’s involved in BDSM as you have been wanting to try something new.
What Exactly is BDSM
Before we begin, we need to break down exactly what it is. BDSM encompasses a variety of practices and fantasies that involve power exchange, physical restraint, and different forms of consensual pain and pleasure. It is essential to understand that all activities in BDSM are based on mutual consent, communication, and trust.
BDSM, is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. That might sound a bit scary but with some proper knowledge and chatting to your partner it could open you up to a whole new world.
Let’s break down what they all mean:
B&D – Bondage and discipline.
Bondage – The physical restraint of a partner through ropes and cuffs.
Discipline – Rules and punishments agreed by both of you.
D&S – Dominance and submission.
Dominance – The one taking control who has the power.
Submission – The one being dominated by the other.
S&M – Sadism and Masochism
Sadism – The practice of getting pleasure from the other ones’ pain.
Masochism – The practice of getting pleasure through pain.
What People Get Wrong About BDSM
People get it so wrong. They hear the word BDSM and instantly presume it is some sort of torture, abuse, or something non-consensual. It couldn’t be further from the truth. BDSM isn’t just about pain; a lot of it focuses on emotional connections, power dynamics, and senses.
How To Get Started
1. Read Up
Have a read online to see what sort of things you might like to try. If reading isn’t your thing, then you could always do a quick search for BDSM on porn websites and see if any videos instantly turn you on.
2. Start Slow
Don’t go in at the deep end. Start with something tame to see how you feel. You can always push the boundaries more as you get into it.
3. Communicate
Talk to your partner about what you want to get out of it. Discussing the boundaries is very important, as is talking through any concerns you might have. Trust is crucial here.
4. Use Proper Equipment
If you are using equipment such as whips and handcuffs, then head to your local sex shop and buy the proper stuff. If you try to find something around the house that you think “might do,” it might not be the right tool for the job, leading to discomfort.
5. Discuss Boundaries
This one is key to it all. There is always a chance one of you might get carried away in the moment, so you need to discuss what you both want to get out of it. Discuss what is off-limits and what has a soft limit (meaning it is ok, but not too much of it). We also think it’s important to discuss two safe words. One meaning “stop” which would be a word that you never typically use in sex so that it will stand out, e.g., ORANGE. Then, another meaning, slow down or go slower, such as “mercy.” Make sure you are both aware of these words before you begin.
What BDSM activities could you explore?
Senses
We think that the most fun part of it is all about the senses. Apart from the obvious places, you probably have other places you enjoy being touched in, and you could enhance this with props such as feathers, ice, or blindfolds. There’s nothing hotter than being blindfolded and not knowing where (or what with) you might be touched next that could take you closer to the edge than ever before.
Role Play
You can’t beat a bit of role-play, and there’s no better way to experience this than with BDSM. You could take on endless roles, but some of the most popular ones we can think of are teacher/student or doctor/patient. Perhaps your partner has a specific fantasy you might not know about, such as a cowboy fantasy where they keep the hat on and tie you up with the lasso! We are all different.
Impact
This is probably one of the main things I think of when it comes to BDSM. Whips, paddles of hands! If this is the kink you want to explore, start light. You don’t want to be whacking your partner out of the blue with a paddle, as it might ruin the mood. Start by light tapping and see if it is something they are into (as they might not even know themselves)
Restraints
Handcuffs, ties, and ropes are the most common methods used. Think about where you can tie each other up. A four-poster bed works well, as does the bed head if it has metal railings. You want to ensure your partner is secure but not too tight that it causes any pain.
Domination and Submission
Decide who is going to take which role. Initially, you may not even know which one you prefer and might enjoy the opposite one of what you thought. Don’t forget the safe words if you feel one of you is taking it too far.
Aftercare
This part isn’t talked about as much as it should be. After all the fun has ended, you must take time with each other to make sure you are both okay. Discuss how it went; what did you both like and dislike?
If your partner has any marks, you must add some lotion to any marks; they might have to make sure they heal up ok. It’s also lovely to cuddle after it, and there’s a good chance you might even fall asleep.
Final Thoughts
Give it a go. What’s the worst that can happen? Talk through things with your partner, set clear boundaries, and hopefully, you can open up a whole new world of self-discovery, pleasure, and intimacy.